Dear Adventist Parent,
Do you ever worry about your kids using the Internet? Do you feel lost when your son or daughter talks about instant messaging, podcasting, or MySpace? Do you know how to protect your kids against Internet predators and cyber-bullying?
It is a digital world out there—a world we parents can’t totally control. The good news is we can take steps to protect our children so that they can safely use the Internet.
Philippians 4:8 says, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Our children’s Internet usage should be patterned after this verse. In fact, I would go so far as to post this Bible verse above every computer in your home. Then, tell your family that this verse should guide everything they do while on the computer.
In this issue of Adventist Parenting, we are going to provide you with information for Internet safety, as well as tell you about some of the dangers to watch for. In addition, we will provide you with links to Web sites that are uplifting and reinforce the values you want your kids to have.
To get you started, here are three important things you can do to protect your children now:
-
Educate your children. Tell them about the dangers and how they can avoid them, such as never giving out their personal information online.
-
Monitor their computer use. Place the computer in a shared location such as the family room, not in a child’s bedroom. Also, don't be afraid to review their Internet browsing history.
-
Install an Internet filter. It is important to have monitoring software installed on your computer that will prevent your kids from stumbling on inappropriate sites.
I also want to let you know about some updates to the Adventist Parenting Web site. You can now view "Ask the Editor" questions and responses on our Web site by topic. It includes answers from our experts to questions such as, “What is the best way to deal with lying?” We have also posted all the past issues on the Web site by topic, so you can view issues you’ve missed on topics such as family worship or baptism.
Be sure to enter this month’s giveaway for a FREE copy of this month’s featured book, A Child’s Steps to Jesus. Just send us your comments or ideas along with your name and address to be entered into the drawing.
Till next time…
Nicole Batten
Editor & Mom
P.S. Our winner from last's month's drawing for God Loves Me 28 Ways, was Kimberly Solberg from Maine.
|
|
|
How to provide your family with the benefits of Internet technology without compromising your values.
As parents it is our job to protect our children from negative influences and experiences. We also want to instill Christian values in our kids. And we want everything they see and hear to be pure and holy—yet we live in a sinful world. However, there is a lot we can do to protect and educate our children.
Computers and the Internet are essential communication and educational tools in the world we live in. They offer wonderful learning opportunities and allow us to communicate with family and friends around the world. The skills children learn on computers will also be skills they carry into their jobs as adults. So how do we keep the Internet from becoming a negative influence in our children’s lives?
We start by directing them to safe places on the Web (see the links under “Resources”) and educating them on how to steer clear of the negative ones. It is essential to teach our children online safety measures. We can also monitor their Internet usage and set limits of time our children are allowed to spend online—much the same way we limit television viewing.
Kids who get into danger online are almost always the ones whose parents have not taken an active role in their online activity. The good news is that you as a parent can do a lot to keep your kids safe by making them "cyber-smart." Start by teaching them the Kid Safety Tips below.
-
Never give your picture, last name, home address, telephone number, or school name to anyone without your parent's permission.
-
Never give your password to anyone, not even your best friend!
-
Don't accept things from strangers, such as e-mail, files, pictures, or website addresses.
-
Do not go into private chat rooms or instant message with strangers.
-
Never agree to meet someone in person that you've met online without asking your parent's permission.
-
Always tell a parent about any threatening or bad language you see online or anything that makes you feel afraid or funny.
-
Stay away from ALL chat rooms unless you and your parent are sure they are monitored by trustworthy adults.
-
Always follow your family's rules and directions for using the Internet.
As a parent you also need to be aware of online dangers such as cyber-bullying, which is a term that refers to bullying or harassment through things like e-mail, instant messaging, and blogs. It is illegal and should be reported to the authorities when it happens. It also can have devastating effects on your child’s self-esteem.
There is also the danger of an online predator—someone who uses the Internet to prey on innocent children. This is why it is important that your child never give their personal information out online or agree to meet a stranger.
Pornography is also another danger your kids can easily fall prey to while online. Statistics say about 80% of kids have encountered pornography online while doing their homework. You can see why having an Internet filtering software program on your computer is so important. It will prevent your kids from stumbling on inappropriate Web sites.
For more information on Internet safety measures and Internet filtering software reviews, check out the Safefamilies.org website.
|
|
|
Ages 0 - 5
When our children are toddlers they usually are not computer literate enough to enjoy the Internet. But now is the time where you can introduce your toddler to the positive experiences of computer use. There are lots of preschool programs that help teach kids phonics, math, and other skills.
This is also the time when you can educate yourself on the positive and negative influences of the Internet. Child development specialist, Dr. Kay Kuzma, in her book The First Seven Years, says that, “The best thing you can do for your young children is to become acquainted with the Internet yourself and find out what is available to satisfy your child’s intellectual curiosity and promote learning. And at the same time become educated about the dangers.”
Dr. Kuzma also says, “A major danger as children become more computer literate, is that they will spend too much time sitting in front of the computer. Teach your children the importance of moderation and make sure they get enough physical exercise.”
Resources:The First 7 Years by Dr. Kay Kuzma
Ages 6 - 9
As your child enters the elementary school years, they will start using the Internet for school projects and homework. Now is the time to add an Internet filtering software program on your computer to block offensive Web sites. There are several available on the Internet, some for free and some at a premium. Safefamilies.org reviews the different programs available to help parents choose the right one. If it is available as a setting, I recommend blocking all chat rooms for children under 16. I would also block file sharing programs like Kazaa, Limewire, and BearShare to prevent someone from sharing an inappropriate picture or video with your child.
Software programs can’t protect your children from everything immoral though. Be sure to talk to your kids about what to do when they do come across a pornographic site. Your children should also be warned against sites that promote violence. Impress upon your children Philippians 4:8, “whatsoever things are pure…”
Dr. Kuzma says, “Since you won’t be there to monitor your children every moment of the day, you must teach them to use self-control in keeping away from those things that could pollute their minds. Put the computer in a place where you can easily supervise. Some Web sites are very tempting and knowing that Mom or Dad are around can strengthen a child’s resolve to avoid those that conflict with family values.”
I also suggest that you post a Family Safety Pledge by all computers. Review it with each child and have them sign it (click to see a sample Family Safety Pledge). This will help them in keeping their promise to use the Internet responsibly.
Listed below are some additional resources to help parents and their kids be “cyber-smart.”
Resources:E-Parenting: Keeping Up with Your Tech-Savvy Kids by Sharon Miller Cindrich, Safety Monitor: How to Protect Your Kids Online by Mike Sullivan, and Keep Your Kids Safe on the Internet by Simon Johnson.
Ages 10 - 14
As your children become teens, Internet chat rooms and social networking sites like MySpace, Facebook, and YouTube become enticing. Teens love to socialize with their friends and many now do it online.
However, social networking sites can be dangerous. Personally, I don’t think children under 16 are mature enough to handle the opportunities and challenges of social networking. If you do decide to let your child use a social networking site, be sure to periodically read what he or she is posting on it. Ask for your child’s passwords, screen names, and account information. This will allow you to monitor their pages, even if they have it set to “private.” As a parent, you have a right to this information. And finally, keep an open conversation with your teen about their social networking experiences.
For more safety tips for social networking, visit Safefamilies.org. There is also a MySpace alternative for Christian youth called Xianz.com that you can check into.
Chat rooms too can hold hidden dangers that leave teens exposed to predators. Never allow your teen to participate in a chat room if you don’t know the adult supervising it. I would also caution your child to never say anything in a chat room or on instant messenger that they wouldn’t normally say in person. It is tempting to flirt and say things you wouldn’t normally say to a person online that is inappropriate.
If your teen can’t seem to tear herself away from friends on the computer screen, it is time to set boundaries. Go back to time limits. And keep that computer out of your teens room and in a general area where you can monitor her computer usage.
Most importantly, stay involved in your teen’s life. Keep an open dialogue with her where you aren’t being critical. You want your teen to be able to talk to you about the challenges she is facing.
Resources:Generation MySpace: Helping Your Teen Survive Online Adolescence by Candice M. Kelsey.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Title: A Child's Steps to Jesus (3 Vol. Set)
Description:A Child’s Steps to Jesus is a set of books I have long anticipated. I am so excited to tell you that they are now available. In this series, there are twelve kid-friendly stories that illustrate the twelve topics in Ellen White’s classic book Steps to Christ, including God’s love, forgiveness, salvation, obeying, the Bible, conversion, helping others, joy in Jesus, trust, choices, prayer, and Jesus. The twelve stories are broken into groups of four stories in each book of this three-volume set. Each story includes a parent’s guide at the end to help you further reinforce each concept in a child-friendly way. The stories are beautifully illustrated and help build a lifelong friendship with Jesus. Designed for kids ages 2-6, this three-volume set is perfect for use in family worship. I highly recommend it as an essential part of every Adventist family’s home library. Hardback, 110 pages each.
Price: $39.99 SALE for 3-volume set.
|
|
|
|
Question:
I am a homeschooling-mother of two. My son is nine-years-old and in third grade. He also takes piano and swimming lessons, as well as plays football each week. He is a bookworm with a passion for reading. Our daughter is five-years-old and will start preschool next year. She also is in swimming lessons. We get together with a Christian homeschool group regularly. My question is: How can I keep my son from getting distracted and keep focus during school hours, (especially in the areas that I know he can do on his own) without constantly reminding him to get back to work? By the way, when they are working at their desks, I am in the kitchen working. But we are all together as our house is an open living area and my help is in their reach.
—Jasmin
Answer:
Dear Jasmin,
Homeschooling is challenging for mom—and sometimes dad! It’s really like having a job. There are certain hours of the day that must be devoted to school.
It’s difficult for your son to concentrate on an assignment when little sister is playing or doing something he’d like to be doing and you are making noises in the kitchen. Nine-year-olds need the teacher with them in school all the time. They are learning to organize school work and to do their assignments promptly. So, gather up your mending, letter writing, knitting, or reading to do while your son is working on his workbook pages. But keep a close eye on the school work. Teach every new concept. Make the lessons interesting. Don’t just say, “Look at page 29 and do what it says.” That’s not teaching. Your immediate presence makes school official.
When the kids are older, they will be more independent in their studying. But for now, they need you with them during home school time. They will like school better and find it more interesting.
Homeschool also works better if you keep regular hours. Kids like routine. They need to know what to expect each day. It makes them feel secure. Decide on a schedule for each subject and post it in clear view. This gives structure to the school day and provides a goal for finishing an assignment.
Be a little flexible about assignments. If he has already mastered a math concept and can do it easily, then only do a few of the problems or skip that set of problems altogether. The purpose is to learn–not to complete pages. This is one of the big advantages of homeschooling. You can make it fit your child.
Between each subject, give a five to ten minute break (i.e. recess) to do something active. Kids need to move around, maybe even run around the yard.
Provide incentives for your son to finish promptly. You are helping him build lifetime school habits. Set a timer for the amount of time you think he needs to finish an assignment. If he finishes before the timer rings, and does it carefully and mostly correctly, give him a reward. For example, he can earn a chip every time he finishes on time. The chips go in a jar on his desk. Make a little “store” in a box or a drawer with small things he would like. Label each item with the “price” (number of chips required to purchase an item). He can “buy” things from the store with his chips. Remember, some assignments will take longer than anyone anticipated. Reward him for continued attention and perseverance in finishing, even if it takes longer.
Decide on a time for school to finish each day. If he goofs off and isn’t finished with the day’s work, then he has “homework” to do later in the day, instead of playing. As soon as he sees that he can do some things that are fun if he finishes school on time, he’ll be greatly interested in finishing.
Also, all kids need free time. Don’t try to schedule every minute of your son’s day. Most of all, have fun homeschooling! It’s a great opportunity to bond with your kids while you are teaching them in the way they learn most easily.
—Dr. Donna Habenicht
Dr. Donna Habenicht is professor emeritus of educational and counseling psychology at Andrews University. A clinical psychologist and consultant, she holds workshops around the world teaching children Christian values. She runs a ministry, Wisdom Tree, with her physician husband. She is also the author of several books, including How to Help Your Child Really Love Jesus and 10 Christian Values Every Kid Should Know.
Submit your question
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Disclaimer: We do not neccessarily endorse all the content on these sites.
|
|
|
Printer-friendly page
Send this page to a friend
